Several weeks ago, I came across an article that described the author’s belief about why some relationships fall apart. It reminded me of the fact that there are many different views, perspectives and beliefs in this world. I didn’t agree with this author’s perspective but I did respect it because, in my opinion, without differences, people could not create experiences by making use of their God-given gift of Choice each and every day. Without new experiences, life as we know it would be exceptionally boring but more importantly, our soul-awakening process could not progress. And that, my friends, is the reason we all chose a physical experience in the first place.  

In this well-written article, the author states that sometimes when communication breaks down in our relationships, it is because the other person cannot own their part in the problem when we hold the metaphoric mirror up to them. When a person comes to me for help concerning a relationship, I tell them that facing the mirror towards the other person is the cause for the conversations between two people coming to an end. The reason I share this information with them is because of what I learned from the divine insights revealed through one of the Message Art paintings, and have since applied to my life and practice - that each person who triggers a reaction in us serves as a mirror to reflect the qualities that we are unknowingly expressing internally.  For example, if your friend, ex-spouse, co-worker, parent or anyone else for that matter, triggers a pleasant reaction in you when in their presence, it means they are outwardly expressing the same positive qualities that you are expressing inwardly. But when the triggers are unpleasant, the qualities that are being reflected are negative in nature and the same as those you are expressing towards yourself – most times without even realizing that you are. Your triggered reactions have nothing to do with the people in your relationships but everything to do with you. Were you not expressing negative qualities inwardly, the unpleasant triggers would not be occurring and the conversations in those relationships would remain open and honest.

Consider your negative reactions as the universe’s way to let you know about the dense energy that is slowing down your soul-awakening process, and maybe even stopping it, while at the same time diminishing your well-being. You see, the unpleasant energy you feel when these reactions take place is the same dense energy that accumulates in one or more areas of your body each time you express negative qualities internally. This type of energy also prevents you from expressing all that you are which robs you and humanity of your greatness.

The same painting’s divine insights also taught me the five ways that we express our qualities inwardly, which are: in the way we behave towards ourselves, the way we feel, speak and think about ourselves, and in the way we live our lives. For instance, when you repeatedly act kindly towards yourself, you attract kind people in your life who trigger positive reactions in you whenever you are near them or when you think of them. These people mirror the positive qualities you are expressing inwardly and you like having them around because they always make you feel good.   

But there may be times when you believe, for example, that the reason the conversations in your relationship came to an end is because the other person’s past experiences and hurts made it too threatening for them to be less than perfect, make mistakes or to be wrong. Were you to tell me this was the issue in your relationship, the first step in our sessions would be for you to name the qualities that best describe your thoughts and feelings about the other person.  In this case, you may say fearful, stubborn and weak.

The next step would be to ask yourself in which of the five ways have you been expressing those same three qualities inwardly. For instance, have you been stubbornly refusing to follow your intuition because you are afraid of failure? Has your fear of rejection prevented you from standing up for yourself or making a commitment? Or maybe you’ve been repeatedly putting yourself down because of what you believe are your imperfections and weaknesses. It’s greatly beneficial to recall how often you’ve been expressing those qualities when you finally recognize them.

Don’t forget that for you to find the answers, you need to face the mirror towards yourself and not toward the other person. Looking in the mirror is more humbling and takes more courage and patience than holding the mirror and asking someone else to look in it. It is way more effective because it helps you to finally recognize the negative qualities you’ve been unknowingly expressing towards yourself. Only then does it become crystal clear your negative reactions have nothing to do with the people in your relationships. You are the source. Other people's qualities are merely reminders of something that needs your attention but to discover what it is, you need to look within.

Once you figure out why you are feeling triggered and address or heal what you discover, magic happens. The unpleasant feeling you felt each time you dealt with the person who triggered you, changes. You go from feeling emotionally triggered to feeling indifferent or neutral. You also notice that the other person has either changed his or her ways or is no longer showing up in your life. The reason for this dramatic alteration is because that person’s divine purpose as your mirror has been fulfilled. In other words, once you recognize the qualities that required your attention, the mirrors needed to reflect them no longer have to keep appearing in your life.

So, which way are you going to face the mirror the next time you have a problem in a relationship? I can tell you from personal experience that facing it towards yourself is a guaranteed way to get to the cause of the problem. After all, it should never be about blaming or trying to change another person but rather about making the changes that benefit your own well-being. Yes, it’s true that some of your relationships may come to an end - not because of other people’s problems but because their purpose for being in your life has been fulfilled.